Impulsivity : A Love Story

As a college student, it would be safe to assume that self-control isn't one of my strong points. I am a repeated victim and facilitator of impulsivity.

I find my ventures with impulsivity as a beautiful story of love and hate, success and failure, good choices and some that are...not so good.


There are some days that I love my impulsivity. Some of the greatest things in my life are products of impulsivity and a low attention span. (And not thinking through my decisions xD)

My Zune, Toshirou (when he works), brings me much joy, and was a product of a bank card and an ebay spree. So. Effing. Dangerous.

There are plenty of regrets there, to be sure. Dear God, there are regrets. I have wasted so much money on my impulsive conquests. Without fail, not long after I've made the purchase or ill-fated decision, my brain screams: FAIL!!!! BUYER'S REMORSE OMFG!!!111!!

RANDOM SIDE STORY ALERT!

 Buyer's Remorse is a driving force in my life. We are well acquainted, and have been good friends since my elementary school years.
As a kid in a relatively small (not relatively, really, we were TINY) elementary school, the bi-annual book fair was the SHIT. I'm not talking about, oh yay, a little book fair.

No.
This was fucking huge. This was on a level that only deities attain. This was the book fair.

Look at that. It looks EPIC. Those children are engaged in reading. Holy hell.

With the book fair came ridiculous amounts of competition for the little trinkets and toys that were sold. Namely, erasers.
These erasers came in all shapes and forms, but namely I remember the frog erasers, which everyone wanted because they were so damned cool.

I remember getting into a piggy bank that my mom had been keeping for me since my birth. I knew that this piggy bank (it was actually a bear in a sunhat) was meant for greatness. But my impulsivity and id were saying: GO, ROO, GO FORTH AND BUY YOURSELF THOSE FROG ERASERS.

And I did. I scrounged for change everywhere I could. I brought PENNIES to my poor librarians, who patiently counted them out. It was magic.
Though I regretted my purchases almost instantly, I had frog erasers. 

At the time, my impulsivity could be attributed to childlike wonder and innocence.
Today it marks the beginning of the end where my bad decisions come back to haunt me daily. (Namely college. J/K. Maybe.)

I came to later find out that my sun bear piggy bank had held like...$100 in change. To this day my mother has no idea what happened to it and is convinced the delinquent down the street took it. 

It really isn't pretty.
I like to think that I have some class with my impulsivity. Buying a car, a house? NAH! Screw that, those are useless investments. My education? Ehhh, whatevs. Maybe.

But me, I buy cool stuff. Like FISH.

-DIGRESSION!-
My goal my freshman year of college had been to have a happy tank full of fish, guppies and cute neon tetras that would swim around and keep me company in my pathetic existence.

That dream never came true, because my asshole of a cat broke the free aquarium I had found. I cussed him. And chased him for awhile. Then cussed him some more.

^Asshole cat

SO....I was pissed.
I had a random Jimmy Buffet reference lined up, but we don't always get what we want, do we?




WELL THEN.
Back to the topic at hand. Fish.

A trip to Walmart in the next town over yielded various results last Friday night.

1. I bought $30 more than I intended to. 
2. I walked out with a fish.
3. I walked out with a fish tank, colorful gravel, and bloodworms WTH.
4. I regretted it almost instantly, but my glee was too great to be overcome by that bitch Regret.
5. I set up the tank and realized that my fish is brain damaged. 

My fish is a wonderful little guy. But again, brain damaged. 

This is Asher! Isn't he pretty?! 

I love him. He's so awesome. Just having a fish has made me ridiculously happy. 

He is one of my most impulsive decisions ever. I was in Walmart, and I wanted him, and that was the end of it. I picked him out, fell in love, and named him there in the aisle after some prodding by my roommate.

His Irish name is Saoirse, which is a feminine form of "freedom". I call him my transgenderal fish <3

AND TONIGHT I AM GOING TO GET ASHER A FRIEND.

And yes, I am fully aware that you don't mix male betta fish. Jeebus. People keep effing telling me this, and I'm just like wtf?! SRSLY?!

No. Just no. Stfu. 

Asher's friend is going to be named Khalil. (Kah-leel). His Irish name has already been picked out by my awesome authentic-Irish friend, Caza. I fucking love this girl. 

She named Khalil after the Irish mythical hero, Cuchulainn. I'm so excited :D

Yeah. 

Impulsivity is a bitch. 

But I love it. 

 This post has been sponsored in part by Attention Deficit Disorder and Pretend Catholic Guilt.